Week 2 Picks

The NFL, who has never heard the phrase ‘too much of a good thing’, has decided to jam Thursday Night Football down our throats all year this season. That’s right every week there is a Thursday night game, and every week I will probably realize this fact on Wednesday and get mad. I would love to watch the Packers and Bears play, but I’d like to watch it on Sunday, with the rest of football.

Remember when Thanksgiving was special because of Thursday football? Well, never again. The NFL is trying to kill Thanksgiving. Don’t be surprised when Roger Goodell comes to your Thanksgiving dinner, knocks your table over and shits in the turkey. That’s basically what he’s already done.

Sorry, I mean, enjoy this Bears Packers game tonight!

As far as Week 1 goes, I got off to a good start and it appears that RG3 might be the savior of DC after all. Sure the Redskins won their opening game the last two seasons as well, but this is different, right?

Last Week: 10-6 
Lock of the Week: 1-0 
Season: 10-6

Home Team in CAPS

PACKERS (-5) over Bears 
I really do think that the Packers will be worse and the Bears significantly better this year as compared to last, but I just can’t envision the Packers starting 0-2. The Packers haven’t lost at home to Chicago since 2007, the end of the Brett Favre era.

Buccaneers (+7) over GIANTS 
2008 Bucs: 9-7. 2009 Bucs: 3-13. 2010 Bucs: 10-6. 2011 Bucs: 4-12. 2012 Bucs: something better? The Bucs are not a great team, they aren’t even a very good team, but somehow they will find a way to be around .500 on the year. Then next year they will be terrible. The Giants meanwhile couldn’t stop anything against the Cowboys last week, so seven points is just too much here.

PATRIOTS (-13.5) over Cardinals 
This is a lot of points for this early in the season, but it turn out the Patriots look really good again. After the first week they are the top ranked offense and defense. The level of consistency displayed in New England is unfair to fans of every other team. I think the Cardinals should allowed to play both John Skelton and Kevin Kolb at the same time and get two balls to play with; they still would generate less offense than New England.

Vikings (-1) over COLTS 
Somehow the Vikings might start the season 2-0, such is the advantage of playing against the AFC South.

Saints (-2.5) over PANTHERS 
The Panthers rushed the ball 13 times for 10 yards last week. They are going to need a much more dynamic attack to have a chance against the Saints, who may have lost last week but still put 32 points on the board.

BILLS (-3) over Chiefs 
Two teams firmly in the fight for least impressive Week 1 performance and mascot that was most abused by 19th century white Americans. I’m giving a slight edge to Buffalo based on… I don’t know, let’s say home field.

Ravens (+2.5) over EAGLES
Lock of the Week 

I had to check this spread like three times. Sure, the Eagles are at home but I don’t understand how they can be favored against the Ravens. They couldn’t figure out the Browns defense and we are to believe that they’ll handle the Ravens with no problem? I'll tell you what I'd do if I were GM of the Eagles. I'd hire an assistant coach who has only one job, constantly remind Andy Reid that he is allowed to call run plays. 56 pass attempts when they were averaging five yards per carry is unreal. And yes, Vick still makes me scared of making this pick my lock.

Raiders (-2.5) over DOLPHINS 
The Dolphins appeared to be just as bad at football on CBS as they looked to be on HBO.

Browns (+7) over BENGALS 
The Bengals are not unlike the Bucs, only off by one year. 2008: 4-11-1, 2009: 10-6, 2010: 4-12, 2011: 9-7. Seems to me like they are due for a four win season, you can’t fight meaningless patterns supported only be a very small amount of data points.

Texans (-7) over JAGUARS 
When do we think the Texans will have the AFC South clinched? Will it be before or after the 49ers clinch the NFC West? Both can probably do it in 12 weeks. The talent gap between Houston and the rest of the division is cavernous.

Cowboys (-3) over SEAHAWKS 
I hope everyone is ready for obnoxious Cowboys fans to come out of the woodwork after a 2-0 start.

Redskins (-3) over RAMS 
If this spread were even a half point higher I’d take the Rams. As a Redskins fan, St. Louis frightens me, they seem to always play the Redskins close if not beat them. Plus, nothing would be more Redskins than beating the Saints, getting everyone excited, and then shitting the bed against the Rams.

Jets (+5.5) over STEELERS 
Five-and-a-half is just a little bit high for my tastes. The Jets showed they weren’t as terrible as people thought they were and these two tend to play close games in recently history. Oh and just because we don't want to forget about him and have him fall of the media map - Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow.

CHARGERS (-6) over Titans 
That was quick; it took one week from Antonio Gates to go from finally 100% healthy to questionable, which is where I imagine he’ll stay the rest of the year ruining fantasy teams across the land. They’ll still win this game though because the Titans are cooked. Say goodbye to Chris Johnson ever being a good RB again.

49ERS (-6.5) over Lions 
In one game that I didn’t even watch the 49ers turned me from a skeptic into a believer. It would appear the lesson from last week is that the Harbaugh brothers both really know how to coach. The Lions on the other hand may be the team headed for a letdown. A fun side bet for this game would be how many times they will mention Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz botched handshake/yelling match from last season. The over/under is set at 3,000.

FALCONS (-3) over Broncos 
For some reason I see this Falcons team head to 12 wins and another early playoff exit.