Week 16: Race to .500 Coming Down to the Wire

The worst game of the year, a game with no meaning between two terrible teams very late in the season is on prime time TV tonight. Even from a fantasy standpoint this game is completely worthless. If you are in your championship and counting on a player from either the Titans or Jags, you should lose. That’s how worthless these teams and this game are. Primetime! The NFL!

Last Week: 9-6-1
Lock of the Week: 9-6
Season: 108-112-3 (race to .500 will be tight!)

Home team in CAPS

Watching home birth tapes (+4) over watching Jags vs. Titans

Titans (+4) over JAGS

I’ll take the points I guess. Let’s move on.

Eagles (-7.5) over REDSKINS

There are two teams that your sanity would be called into question if you bet on them. The Redskins and Bears. Although, at the same time if the Redskins somehow won one of their last two games it wouldn’t really shock me, but that’s only because nothing they can do would shock me at this point.

Chargers (+1) over 49ERS

I’m 12-1-1 in picking 49ers games on the season, and yet I have no feel for this game whatsoever. Both teams have put up a curious slate of results and are capable of not showing up. Since Harbaugh already has a foot out of the door and there is nothing at stake for the 49ers, I’ll take San Diego to stay alive in the playoff race.

Vikings (+6.5) over DOLPHINS

Minnesota seems to play games close these days.

BUCCANEERS (+10.5) over Packers

While I do think the Packers will look to blow someone out after losing in Buffalo, the fact is they just aren’t very good on the road, 2-5 against the spread to be exact. This spread is a bit too large.

Lions (-8.5) over BEARS

Jimmy Clausen will fix all of the Bears problems.

Falcons (+6) over SAINTS

You could call this the biggest game of the week in some ways, which is pretty sad in a lot of ways.

Patriots (-10) over JETS

The Jets usually play the Patriots close, but I don’t know if the Jets have been quite this bad in any of those past situations.

Chiefs (+3) over STEELERS

Who knows what to expect, it’s a Steelers game.

Browns (+3) over PANTHERS

There is no way Johnny Football plays as badly as he did last week, right?

Ravens (-5) over TEXANS
Lock of the Week

The Texans are down their top three quarterbacks. That might be a bit of a problem.

RAMS (-5.5) over Giants

Any team that let the Redskins hang around the entire game and probably should have been behind for much of the game should lose handily against a regular team. The Rams defense hasn’t allowed a touchdown in three straight games, so I can’t see the one weapon Giants putting much up on the board.

Bills (-6) over RAIDERS

Buffalo! Winning record! (still no playoffs)

Colts (+3) over COWBOYS

Where is my Cowboys collapse?

CARDINALS (+8) over Seahawks

There is no denying how well the Seahawks have been playing lately, but the Cardinals are still undefeated at home. I’m not going to pick against an undefeated home team getting more than a touchdown in the spread regardless of who they are playing.

Broncos (-3) over BENGALS

The Bengals need to lose to make the last week in the AFC North super exciting.

Week 15: The Redskins Are Sad

Of all the things I might have guessed about the Redskins this year, I don’t think I would have predicted they would appear at perhaps their most dysfunctional ever. I mentioned this some last week, but at this point nothing would surprise me with them. And as they slide further into some sort of twilight zone alternate dimension of reality I remain a fan, but I have almost completely removed myself from caring. Watching Redskins games is more like a comedy of errors than a sporting event. What sort of tragedy will befall them next?

So, with my lifelong favorite team in ruins I turn elsewhere, to gambling and fantasy sports and the Wizards of basketball to satisfy my desire to cheer for things that will disappoint me, because the Redskins are so far gone they are not capable of evoking disappointment.

Last week: 7-8-1
Lock of the week: 8-6
Season: 99-106-2

Home team in CAPS

RAMS (-4.5) over Cardinals

The Rams have posted two straight shut outs. The Cardinals are much better than the Raiders and Redskins collectively, but still they aren’t good enough to stop what the Rams are doing right now.

CHIEFS (-10) over Raiders

Kansas City lost to Oakland three weeks ago, so the Chiefs will be looking to make a statement and get revenge. Plus, after Oakland’s last win they were completely lifeless the next week. I expect the Raiders to be a bit too happy with themselves and the Chiefs to be fired up.

RAVENS (-13.5) over Jaguars

I already dislike myself for picking two straight double-digit point favorites. BUT, the Jags are 0-3-1 against the spread as double-digit dogs and 0-9-1 against the spread when getting five or more points. That is crazy, when Vegas thinks the Jags will lose big, they lose REALLY big.

FALCONS (+2.5) over Steelers

You can’t figure Pittsburgh out. Don’t try to. I picked the Falcons here because the Steelers losing to someone they should beat and losing their playoff spot as a result seems like the right outcome for this team.

COLTS (-6.5) over Texans

Possibly my least favorite game on the board this week. My gut says the Colts are considerably better, but the Texans have been good against the spread all year and the line movement also favors Houston. I’ll go with my gut here, but stay away with my money.

Bengals (+1) over BROWNS

I don’t believe in Johnny Football, especially against a defense that is capable of creating pressure and forcing the quarterback to make quick decisions.

PATRIOTS (-7.5) over Dolphins

It is so hard to bet against the Patriots at home late in the season. So hard that I will not do it.

Buccaneers (+3) over PANTHERS

Tampa Bay gets to face Derek Anderson twice this year. Too bad for them they are Tampa Bay so it doesn’t really matter who they are facing, but they’ll even out to a 1-1 record against him on the year.

GIANTS (-6.5) over Redskins
Lock of the Week

I don’t envision any possible way in which things can go well for the Redskins. They could start any one of their three quarterbacks and I don’t think the team even has any idea who the starter will be. That is not the best way to get prepared for a game. But if RG3 gets the start that seems like a clear sign that Gruden is on his way out after one year. Is it time to get excited and/or nervous about the Art Briles Redskins?

BILLS (+5) over Packers

Green Bay is not great at covering on the road and the Bills have covered three straight games looking pretty good. The biggest reason to bet on Buffalo is that all the public is betting on Green Bay and yet the line is still shrinking.

LIONS (-8) over Vikings

Since Jim Caldwell is an offensive coach, or possibly a statue, I think Teryl Austin should be getting a lot more praise. The Lions have the top ranked scoring defense and the second ranked defense in yardage with a first year defensive coordinator taking over for established NFL defensive minds.

Jets (-2) over TITANS

Gross

Broncos (-4) over CHARGERS

With San Diego’s tough schedule and Pittsburgh’s Pittsburghery I see both of those teams falling out of the playoffs, but I ran through the playoff scenario generator and find it very hard for both of them to miss out unless the Chiefs win out, which I also see as unlikely.

SEAHAWKS (-10) over 49ers

Seattle is back and they will probably win the Super Bowl.

EAGLES (-3) over Cowboys

So Dallas won’t go down in quick the flaming wreck that I imagined, but them just missing the playoffs will be a nice consolation prize.

Saints (-3) over BEARS

I said after the Saints needed overtime to beat Tampa in week 5 that I wouldn’t pick them again this season. Chicago sucks so hard that I have to go back on that word.

Week 14: How Will the Redskins Ruin Next Season?

Last Week: 6-10
Lock of the Week: 7-6
Season: 92-98-1

Home team in CAPS

BEARS (+4) over Cowboys

I might have picked 30 teams over the Bears this week, but I’m going against the Cowboys until they prove they won’t have a spectacular end of the season collapse.

Ravens (+3) over DOLPHINS
Lock of the Week

I’m sure this is swaying my opinion more than it really should, but I have a tough time picking a team that just barely beat the Jets to cover a spread against a decent team. The Ravens are better and this is essentially a playoff game, so I’ll take the better team.

BENGALS (-3.5) over Steelers

I am 2-10 in picking Steelers games this season. Nothing I can research, say, or do will make me have any clue how they will play.

Colts (-3.5) over BROWNS

Starting Johnny Football would have been just about the dumbest move ever, right? I can’t believe more people weren’t saying this. Hoyer isn’t great, but he is the one that brought the team to where they are now with a legit shot at the playoffs. Benching a QB while in the middle of a playoff race is only something you do if the QB is abysmal. Now, if the Browns lose this game their playoff hopes are nearly gone anyways and Manziel might get a couple starts to end the season.

TEXANS (-6) over Jags

I can’t see Jacksonville following up a win with another solid performance. Of course, I can’t see Ryan Fitzpatrick having back-to-back good games either, so expect some sort of ugly 16-3 game.

TITANS (even) over Giants

Hey New York, at least you have that Odell Beckham Jr. catch…

Panthers (+9.5) over SAINTS

I can’t accept the Saints by double-digits, even against the horrible, horrible Panthers.

REDSKINS (+3) over Rams

I have zero faith in this pick whatsoever, but for some reason I’m making it. How do you think the Redskins will ruin their offseason?

1. Keep RG3, fire Gruden, hire Art Briles and relive the Spurrier years?
2. Trade RG3, their No. 5-7 pick, their second round pick, and next year’s No. 1 pick to draft Mariota, then watch him be a bust?
3. Repeat scenario b, only with Jameis Winston.
4. Acquire Andy Dalton after he flames out in the playoffs again to reunite him with Gruden. Spend far too much money on him and then watch him continue to not be very good.
5. Make no changes and spend the entire 2015 season toggling between QBs.

The fact that all five are such incredibly realistic options hurts.

Buccaneers (+10) over LIONS

As terrible as Tampa has been, they’ve covered every time that they have been a big underdog this season.

VIKINGS (-6) over Jets

Hey New York, at least you have that Odell Beckham Jr. catch… wait, that doesn’t really work here. Go Mets? No? Go Nets? Not really? Go Rangers? No? Knicks? Nope? Yankees? Still no? Islanders? What’s that, no one really cares about the Islanders? Ok.

BRONCOS (-9.5) over Bills

Denver seems to have moved on from its few weeks of not being able to score a metric shit ton of points.

CARDINALS (-1) over Chiefs

What’s the over/under? If it’s more than 10, I might take the under. (So KC will win 39-35).

RAIDERS (-8) over 49ers

Bounce back week in Oakland? Luckily this statement almost has to be true as just about anything could be considered a bounce back when compared to a 52-0 loss.

Seahawks (+1) over EAGLES

Is the whole season kind of played for no reason? Are we going to end it thinking Seattle is the best team in the league, just like we started it? I think we might.

Patriots (-3.5) over CHARGERS

I like the Pats coming off a loss and I think it’s about time the Chargers ran out of gas. They very nearly lost two straight weeks, they don’t have enough magic to keep in going.

PACKERS (-12.5) over Falcons

This is too many points, I don’t like picking big favorites, but I don’t really see a way around it. Atlanta is really bad on the road and Green Bay is just about the hardest place to play.