Week 7 - It can't get any worse

Last week my picks went from worthless to downright comically terrible. I challenge anyone to pick as poorly as I did. This kind of ineptitude is rarely achieved and you should all take a minute to appreciate it.

I’d say more about how terrible I am, but I’ve been doing a new thing this week called being really busy at work, so there is not enough time. As a result these write ups will be fairly short as well.

Last Week: 4-11
Lock of the Week: 1-5
Season: 36-54-2

Home team in CAPS

CARDINALS (+5.5) over Seahawks

I recently heard the NFL is considering expanding Thursday Night Football into a doubleheader. Great idea!

Do the players hate it? Yep.

How about the coaches? They also hate it.

Do fans enjoy it? No, not it all.

But do people still watch it and does it make money? Absolutely.

Let’s double it up then!

Patriots (-4) over JETS

Bostonians got two of the greatest come from behind wins in any sport on Sunday when the Pats beat the Saints at the last second and David Ortiz stepped on the hearts of the Tigers. If there is any sports area that hasn’t seen its share of good times and luck it’s Boston, good for those guys, they never win anything.

Chargers (-7.5) over JAGUARS

San Diego is pretty terrible on the road, but the Jags are getting less than 10 points. You have to take those opportunities when they are given to you.

CHIEFS (-6) over Texans

Shoe In of the Week

The lock wasn’t working, so we’re switching it up.

The Texans are starting Case Keenum. The one good thing I can say about Case Keenum is that the only year I played fantasy college football, he scored me a billion points. Another fun fact about Keenum (okay, the first fact was not fun) – when he proposed to his girlfriend he presented her a Bible engraved with her married name. Not saying that’s good or bad, just saying we are different people, Case and I.

LIONS (-3) over Bengals

Cincinnati is not good on the road, Detroit is good at home. I used these two pieces of complex statistical analysis to make my pick.

Bills (+8) over DOLPHINS

Don’t worry everyone, Thad Lewis should be able to play.

Bears (even) over REDSKINS

It’s gonna be sweet when the Redskins give a top 10 pick to the Rams.

Cowboys (+3) over EAGLES

My friends who are Eagles fans are pretty emphatic that there is no way Philly can beat the Cowboys. I tend to agree. Romo should carve up their secondary after not doing much against the Skins.

PANTHERS (-6) over Rams

I think this line is too high, but I am confident the Panthers will win. I am also fairly certain the Panthers can’t win close games. Therefore, they are going to win by a comfortable margin.

FALCONS (-7) over Buccaneers

Let’s not sleep on Tampa Bay when we talk about terrible teams.

49ers (-4) over TITANS

Does anyone know how the Titans have managed to be a respectable football team? They are somehow in the position that if Jake Locker comes back, they can contend for a playoff spot. Chris Johnson has been beyond horrendous. I guess it’s their defense, but who do they have on defense? Research indicates they have a good secondary, so good for them.

PACKERS (-10) over Browns

With the variety of completely unknown receivers the Packers will be trotting out this week it doesn’t make a lot of sense to expect them to cover a double digit spread against a team with a stout defense. But I trust Brandon Weeden will find a way.

Ravens (+1.5) over STEELERS

Despite the win, Pittsburgh is still pretty bad at football.

Broncos (-6.5) over COLTS

Let’s just all watch this game on mute – possibly while giving Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck lookalikes hand jobs.

Vikings (+3.5) over GIANTS

It is not that I believe Josh Freeman makes the Vikings a better team. It is much more that I believe the Giants should not be favored by more than a field goal against just about anyone.