2013 - Week 3

Now it feels like football season. The Redskins are struggling on the field and I am struggling to pick any games correctly, much less get more than half of them correct. This is my comfort zone, sub-par production.

And now with two weeks behind us we can start to actually learn some facts about football teams. The Jaguars could be historically bad, but not to be outdone the Browns are doing their best to stay neck and neck in the race for last place. The two first-round picks they planned on building their offense around last season, Brandon Weeden and Trent Richardson, will not be suiting up for Cleveland on Sunday.

Weeden has an injured thumb, but his run as the starter might be over and certainly won’t last past this year. And Richardson was dealt to the Colts, leaving the Browns to rely on Jordan Cameron and Josh Gordon as their top offensive threats.

I’m not saying Richardson was a stud, his yards per carry certainly left something to be desired and maybe Cleveland realized they couldn't get any better than a 1st round pick for him, but it is clear they have decided to punt on this season. I mean, instead of turning to the serviceable Jason Campbell, they have opted to go with Brian Hoyer at QB.

Everyone mark your calendars for December 1, when the Jaguars travel to Cleveland in what could be the worst professional football game ever played. My fingers are crossed for the first game in history with more punts than total yardage.

Last week: 6-10
Season: 11-20-1
Lock of the Week: 0-2 (I have lost all confidence in my lock for the time being)

Home team in CAPS

EAGLES (-3) over Chiefs 

I’m excited for the point in this game when Andy Reid challenges a play and loses or mismanages the clock and the Philly crowd goes wild. Kansas City’s defense will offer the first real test to Chip Kelly’s offense, but the Chiefs defensive stats are a bit out of whack thus far this season as they played the Jaguars in Week 1, which hardly counts, of course they allowed next to zero yards.

Chargers (+3) over TITANS 

I expect a turnover explosion in this game. The Titans have yet to turn it over and Philip Rivers only has one interception (albeit at the perfectly worst time possible), neither of those things will last.

VIKINGS (-6.5) over Browns 

I don’t think I’m allowed to pick the Browns after calling them as bad as the Jaguars.

Buccaneers (+7) over PATRIOTS 

Both teams have played two close games. Sure the Pats are 2-0 and the Bucs are 0-2 and look like they are on the brink of disaster with Josh Freeman, but until New England shows it can score, I’m not picking them to blow anyone out.

RAVENS (+2.5) over Texans
Lock of the Week (sorry Ravens) 

Baltimore hasn't looked good, but neither has Houston. I’ll take the defending champions getting points at home.

Rams (+4) over COWBOYS 

Looking at both of these teams and their rushing production (they average 62 and 68 yards per game on the ground) I was prepared to write about how terrible they both are at running the football, but as it turns out they are only the sixth and eighth worst rushing teams in the league. Teams are just inept at running now. I understand there has been a shift toward the passing game, but seriously what happened to running backs? The Giants and Steelers each average under 40 yards per game on the ground. That is unreal. Anyways, I’ll take the Rams because the NFC East is awful.

Cardinals (+7) over SAINTS

I’m not really sure that the Saints are anything but a slightly better version of the Lions. And Arizona just beat the Lions. Of course there is always the threat that Carson Palmer could go “Carson Palmer” at any moment and the Saints win by 20.

Lions (+2) over REDSKINS

If feels both nice and depressing to no longer have to worry about having expectations for the Redskins and reverting back to my normal cynicism.

BENGALS (+3) over Packers 

Home underdogs! Also, while good, Green Bay is not as good as they looked against the Redskins. Don’t expect James Starks to go for over 100 against a defense that knows that you are supposed to tackle the player with the ball.

Giants (+1) over PANTHERS 

As much as I would love to see the Giants fall to 0-3 and the NFC East continue to be completely worthless (let’s go Redskins in the playoffs at 8-8!), I don’t see New York losing here.

Falcons (+2.5) over DOLPHINS 

I’ll tell you who I don’t believe in – the Miami Dolphins.

49ERS (-10) over Colts 

I’ll tell you who lost to the Miami Dolphins – the Indianapolis Colts. And Trent Richardson with one full day of practice isn't gonna make much of a difference here.

Hastily made photoshop!

SEAHAWKS (-19.5) over Jaguars 

There will be a definite feel of nostalgia as an amped up Pete Carroll beats an inferior opponent by 40 points at home. Speaking of Pete Carroll, how does that guy have so much energy? He’s the second oldest coach in the league, but acts like the youngest. He’s 62 and has easily twice as much energy as me at half his age. He looks like a douchey-college kid who was just handed an NFL team to coach by his super rich, team-owning Dad.

JETS (-2.5) over Bills 

Although I feel like Buffalo is probably the better team because they have at least one capable skill position player, I’ll take the home field here.

Bears (-2.5) over STEELERS 

Not to pile on the Steelers week after week, but I really enjoy everyone realizing Ben Roethlisberger is not that great (although it is not as if any quarterback could get things done on that offense).

Raiders (+15) over BRONCOS 

I already picked one team that is favored by a comical amount of points, I don’t think I can do it twice in the same week. If you teased the Broncos and Seahawks, each team would still have to win by more than a touchdown for you to win your bet. I can’t imagine that situation happens to often in the NFL, the league that is supposed to be all about parity.