2013 - Week 2

Holy Shit Thursday Night Football is stupid.

I know I banged this drum pretty much all year last season, but I can’t help but to bring it up again. First of all, I don’t want to write my picks on Thursday (particularly this Thursday, suffering from a severe case of melted face). Secondly, I don’t want to feel like I need to watch a football game tonight, but ultimately I will and I’ll probably stay up until the end of the game and not get enough sleep because I’m an idiot and I do
whatever the fuck the NFL tells me to do.

Third, it ruins fantasy football. Players come off waivers on Wednesday and you more or less need your lineup set by Thursday. Obviously you can make changes after the Thursday game, but it just makes everything annoying. On top of that, survivor leagues – I need my pick in by Thursday now? Most teams play on Sunday and haven’t yet given an indication of what players might miss the game due to injury, yet we are still forced to make decisions now. Why not just pick all your teams before the start of the season and see what happens?

Back to betting – I really sucked it up to start off the season. Just impressive ineptitude on my part. If I were a smart, informed gambler, this would be a week to make money. Week 2 always has funky lines as the oddsmakers are unsure if they should trust results from the season openers or trust their original expectations. But of course, I’m a terrible gambler and if you are reading these picks to make financial decisions then I feel sorry for you.

Last week: 5-10-1
Season: 5-10-1
Lock of the Week: 0-1

Home team in CAPS

Jets (+11) over PATRIOTS

This is not an endorsement of the Jets. I think this line is too high. The Patriots really struggled last week in Buffalo and are really lacking receiving options, especially now with Vereen and Amendola out. The Jets are still bad, but they proved they are not quite as comically bad as many people had assumed they would be last week.

Chargers (+7.5) over EAGLES 

If this game was played in Week 1, I think the Eagles would have been favored by about four points. Despite a strong showing, I’m not sold on Chip Kelly’s offense as a powerhouse just yet.

RAVENS (-6.5) over Browns

I am, however; sold on the Browns being terrible.

COLTS (-3) over Dolphins 

Lock of the Week

This line opened as a pick ‘em, which is mind boggling. Sure the Colts struggled with the Raiders last week (who by all accounts should be worse than awful), but the Colts aren’t a team that blows people out. Pretty sure they will beat the Dolphins by a score.

TEXANS (-9) over Titans 

The Texans offense is significantly better than the lifeless corpse that is the Pittsburgh Steelers. Despite winning last week, the Titans offense remains useless.

Panthers (-3) over BILLS 

This bores me, is anyone up for a game of basketball?

FALCONS (-6.5) over Rams 

No way Atlanta doesn’t score a ton of points at home after looking fairly average against the Saints.

Redskins (+7.5) over PACKERS 

When this opened at 6.5 points I was all set to take Green Bay. Crazy how one point will change things. I hope that RG3 playing well in the second half vs. Philly was a sign of getting back into the groove and finding the speed of the game, not just a result of the terrible prevent defense by the Eagles.

Cowboys (+3) over CHIEFS 

The Chiefs beat the Jaguars last week, so we still know absolutely nothing about their ability as a football team.

BEARS (-6) over Vikings 

In years when we look back will we say Christian Ponder was the worst quarterback to ever lead a team to the playoff or will we say Joe Webb was the worst quarterback to ever start a playoff game? Or both? Probably both right?

Saints (-3) over BUCCANEERS

Even last year when they were bad and sans Sean Payton the Saints beat Tampa twice, so… yeah.

Lions (-1.5) over CARDINALS

Picking the Lions means that I’ve now taken every single road favorite this week, this is not a smart betting strategy, yet here we are.

RAIDERS (-5.5) over Jaguars 

If you had told me even one week ago that I would ever pick the Raiders as five-and-a-half point favorites this season I would have probably vomited on myself.

GIANTS (+4.5) over Broncos 

Did you know that Peyton and Eli are brothers?

49ers (+3) over SEAHAWKS 

I have no real reason to not have faith in the Seahawks, but I do not have faith in the Seahawks.

Steelers (+7) over BENGALS 

So will all the Steelers fans suddenly disappear now that they are bad? Then in 5 or 10 years when they are good again they will all come out of the woodwork and talk about how big of Steelers fans they are? Remember when the Penguins and Pirates were terrible and no one went to the game or talked about them? Now everyone loves to tell you how big of Pirates fans they are and how much they love Crosby. Basically my point is this, Pittsburgh fans suck.