Week 2: Already Ready to Quit

It took me all of one week to not really want to spend the time needed to write this column. In fact, a mix of forgetting of it and not having time made me not even think about doing it until 10 minutes before kickoff last night. For this reason, and because I hate the entire concept anyways, I will not be picking any Thursday night games this season (with the exception of Thanksgiving). Get out of here Thursday Night Football, no one likes you. I don’t care what the really high ratings say, I think we’d all be happier if you didn’t exist.

I’m short on time and it’s getting late, so let’s just get to the picks.

Last Week: 7-8-1
Season: 7-8-1
Lock of the Week: 1-0

Home Team in CAPS

PANTHERS (-3) over Texans

It did not take me long to give up on the idea that the Texans might be good this year. I don’t think the switch to Ryan Mallet is going to save them.

Buccaneers (+10) over SAINTS

I’m not sure Tampa can be as bad as they looked last week, but also, they might be.

STEELERS (-6) over 49ers
Lions (+2.5) over Vikings

My assumption is that both San Francisco and Minnesota are bad.
 
BILLS (+1) over Patriots

Really I just wanted to pick more home teams and underdogs. When I think about it I really want to pick the Pats, but when I think about it I tend to make incorrect picks too.

Cardinals (-2) over BEARS

I still can’t really buy into the fact that Carson Palmer is good, but I can buy into the fact that the Bears are bad.

BROWNS (+1.5) over Titans

I almost made the Titans my lock of the week and now I have picked the Browns. That displays the massive amount of confidence I have in these picks. My thought process was that there is no way the Titans are anywhere close to as good as they looked last week and there is no way the Browns are as bad as they looked. Everything comes back to the middle.

BENGALS (-3) over Chargers

Sure

Rams (-3.5) over REDSKINS
Lock of the Week

It is good to know that the Redskins are still so very Redskins. Despite everything I said last week and how much I thought they would suck, the Skins found a way to make me say to myself “they might win this game.” And then proceeded to immediately ruin it with terrible special teams coverage and an exquisite ability to fuck up when it matters most.

Falcons (-2.5) over GIANTS

My distrust in the Redskins extends to their entire division. Want to talk about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory? The Giants set a high bar in week one (one that may have already been topped by the Chiefs on Thursday).

Ravens (-6.5) over RAIDERS

I made the mistake of betting on the Raiders last week. That’s like betting against the Harlem Globetrotters.

JAGUARS (+6) over Dolphins

Sure, I could say the same thing I just said about the Raiders about the Jags, but I’ll save that regret and self-hatred for next week.

EAGLES (-5) over Cowboys

It’ll be kinda funny when the NFC East has a collective 2-6 record with both wins coming within the division. It will be a lot funnier if their collective record is 12-52 with all 12 wins coming within the division.

Seahawks (+3.5) over PACKERS

This version of the Seahawks have covered every time they have ever played against Aaron Rodgers.

COLTS (-7) over Jets

The Jets scored all their points for the season last week.