I wasn’t expecting to be here. After years of proving I have no idea what I’m talking about and with almost no time to devote to it, I was going to stop writing these NFL picks. The 12 article views per week wasn’t enough motivation; especially now that I don’t just have massive amounts of time with nothing to do but put my terrible gambling thoughts to paper.
In fact, I wasn’t even sure I was going to bet much at all this NFL season. This is the 3rd year in a row I’ve said this, but I am completely unprepared for the season or aware of what is going on - I don’t think I knew who the Browns starting quarterback was until yesterday (but to be fair it really doesn’t matter). But, 30 minutes before kickoff last night I found myself making bets and after minimal prodding, I decided to free the gambling monster who enslaved your mother.
After 6+ years, I think you have a good idea of what to expect here. Misguided NFL picks that are right less than 50% of the time (my last winning season was 2012), contradictory statistics, self-deprecation, and a snowballing depression that comes with following the Washington Redskins. On the plus side of my sanity, I’m beginning this season with zero faith or belief that the Redskins will be anything other than a joke. I’m expecting them to be so bad that there is nothing I can do but laugh.
Last night started the season with a push. I’ll gladly take 255 more of those.
Home team in CAPS
Why not start things off by picking a bad team with their top weapon questionable to play. Look, any time you have a chance to bet on Jay Cutler over Aaron Rodgers you have to do it. I mean, look at the confidence this guy exudes. This is his year!
TEXANS (-1) over Chiefs
Am I picking the Texans solely because of Hard Knocks? No. But 90% because of Hard Knocks.
JETS (-3) over Browns
Ryan Fitzpatrick vs. Josh McCown. I hope they let two 6-year olds announce this game. Seems fitting.
BILLS (+2.5) over Colts
Everyone loves the Colts in this game. The Bills are actually solid and the Colts have a lot of weaknesses. Most importantly, go against the heavy public pick.
Lock of the Week
I can’t imagine any scenario in which I pick the Redskins to cover a game this year. I’m sure I will at some point, but not for a while. I have never had less faith that a team can do anything right. I mean, players were asking the media if they knew who their starting QB was. What a joke this once proud franchise has become. The Dolphins defensive line will destroy Washington’s O-line. Kirk Cousins might not be the QB for long due to displaced head (but if RGIII was playing he’d almost certainly leave crippled).
JAGUARS (+3) over Panthers
The Panthers won their division AND a playoff game last year. The world is a crazy place.
RAMS (+4) over Seahawks
Keep riding home dogs all day. The Rams beat Seattle in St. Louis last year.
Saints (+2.5) over CARDINALS
Every year I doubt the Cardinals early and they make me pay for it. But I don’t “learn lessons” and I’m not a “good gambler” so I’ll repeat my past mistakes.
CHARGERS (-3) over Lions
I expect both these teams to be a few games worse than they were last year. I’ll just take the home team here in what is essentially a coin flip.
BUCCANEERS (-3) over Titans
Two rookie QBs. I guess that’s exciting. Especially if you enjoy growing pains. No idea if liking Growing Pains has any effect on if you will enjoy watching this game.
RAIDERS (+3) over Bengals
The fall is coming in Cincinnati.
Ravens (+4.5) over DENVER
Does anyone know if Peyton Manning can still throw a football? This is an important question to ask because it looked like he couldn’t late last year.
Giants (+6) over COWBOYS
Remember last year when Dallas was supposed to have the worst defense in NFL history and then it ended up being solid. Now people think their defense is going to be good, so I’m hoping things swing back the other way.
FALCONS (+3) over Eagles
Vikings (-2.5) over 49ERS
No idea why I picked either of these teams.
first!
ReplyDeletelast!
ReplyDelete